Hurricane Sandy, Day 1

I’m working from home today.  Not the kind of work-from-home that includes pizza and beers with all the friends that are also “working from home”.  Nope.  The kind of work from home where you are logged in for 14 hours because everyone else you work with cannot. 

Not to sound callous, but in the midst of all this?  I’ve started to hope for lost power too.

It comes first as a grumble…

“Ugh, this sucks.”  

An hour passes and I start to get testy...

“Are those my co-workers frolicking on facebook??  Can’t connect on your laptop, huh?  Sure…”

Two hours pass and I start to daydream...

“If I just lost internet, I wouldn’t be able to log in and I could enjoy the rest of my day…”

Four hours pass and I start to get a little desperate...

“If I lost power, my boss would have to stop calling me!  Plus, I have enough scented candles to keep me lit for days and smelling like I’ve had a shower!  Can I fake it?”

Six hours pass and I start to negotiate with God…

“Maybe mom is right!  If I find Jesus, maybe he’ll make the power go out! Um, Jesus?”

10 seconds pass and…

 The TV shuts off.

I slowly turn towards the living room, “Jesus?”

2 seconds pass…

I look around in confusion.  No TV, but the lights are on!  What the heck is going on?

3 seconds pass.

I spot the cat sitting on the remote.

1 second passes.

“Godammit!”

Back to work.

2. At the end of this very long day, I know to be true:  My cat is entirely too fat if he can shut off the TV with just his hiney.

I know this to be true

I vividly remember the first time I saw the movie Runaway Bride.  The movie was forgettable, but the character of Maggie Carpenter, for me at least, was not...  because I related.  I was neither a bride, nor inclined to run (anywhere, to be honest, never mind away).  What struck me was that I didn’t have a clear picture of who I was, what I wanted or even what I liked.  In fact, just like Maggie, chances were good I would order my eggs to match someone else’s preferences.

Thirteen years later, that statement is still true.  I’ve made a lifelong habit of highlighting the parts of myself that work best for whoever I’m around.  I can be enthusiastic about almost anything! While that’s brought me experiences that I would not have had otherwise, and built relationships that I wouldn’t trade for the world, it’s also left me with the horrible fear that, left to my own devices, I wouldn’t have done anything at all.

In fact, the one thing I’m sure of is that there is a resounding choir of crickets when I ask myself what it is that I want, or where I want to go from here. 

So, this is the journey I wish to embrace.  I want to make my choices my own.  I want to identify and follow my own dreams.  I want to forge my own path.  So that at the end of the day, I'll have the right to say that my life was of my own choosing.

But first, I’ll need to figure out how to do that.

And, since I have to start somewhere, I'll start by figuring out what it is I like – experiment when I don’t know – learn to cultivate fearlessness – and have this be my chronicle.

1.  I know this to be true: I like my eggs with bacon and cheese, on a roll.