2012

Thank you, 2012, for the life lessons and changes you've provided.

I,
-Learned to establish some boundaries.
-Started to learn how to say no.
-Found that some battles are not worth fighting and how to differentiate the ones that are.
-Left a terrible relationship.
-Didn't go back.
-Made fantastic new friends.
-Got to spend time with the fantastic friends I already had.
-Learned the difference between alone and lonely.
-Started asking for (and listening to) advice when I needed it.
-Learned to put my time and energy towards the people and things that make my life better and build me up.
-Learned to ask for help.
-Learned gratitude.
-Stopped being so hard on myself.
-Stopped being so hard on everyone else.
-Started celebrating my important moments.
-Lost 20 pounds.
-Learned that the people who love me based on what I do for them don't actually love me at all.
-Learned to trust that true friends are willing to compromise.
-Remembered how to laugh.
-Started making deliberate choices to change my life, realizing that even if it's the wrong choice, at least it's mine.
-Re-discovered hope.
-Am happier and stronger than I was just one short year ago- and have so much love and gratitude for the list of people that helped me get here.
-Am confident that my life will only get better.


5. I love this new optimism.

What's the worst that can happen?

Every time someone says to me, what do you think? Should I risk it? I say, "Do it!" "What's the worst that can happen?" "Live a little!"

It's great advice, just not any I've ever taken for myself.

I've always been the one who holds the bags, sits in the back, checks surreptitiously for seatbelts.

At the amusement park, I am not amused. Sure, you might talk me into going on that big roller coaster but those pictures don't lie! I'm the one who looks terrified, eyes sealed shut, white knuckled and clinging to the safety harness next to the girl woohooing all the way down.

But lately? That's changing for me. I find myself not clinging to my neighbor (stranger or not) during takeoff and landing. I'm more likely to have my face pressed to the window.

And at the water park this Christmas? I wanted to go on every ride, especially the ones that scared me. And I did-- All the ones that make you go head first and the ones that swirl you around and the ones that spit you out with so much force that you inadvertently flash the lifeguards. And I screamed and screamed until I laughed and laughed.

I loved every minute of it. There was a rush and an excitement that I've never experienced before (it's usually just terror). And I felt free.

4. I love this change in me.

Can you bring me a six pack of beer and a roll of Charmin?

“Diana, what you need is a bodega that delivers” says my dear friend as I’m complaining of having to go out in the rain for toilet paper, “I never leave the house!”

As I’m searching for the nearest bodega that delivers, I wonder, has city life spoiled me?  I can have food delivered at all hours with just a phone call, or if I don’t feel like chatting? A few clicks on a phone app.  I can pay someone else to do my laundry, cleaning, food shopping, cat box cleaning.  I’ll bet if I look hard enough, I can find someone to write thoughtful and endearing Christmas cards to all my friends and family (And if not, that should be my next business venture!)

I love this city and every convenience it brings, but have I taken it too far?  Is it a too much to expect that someone else should be doing all the things that life requires that happen to be just a little annoying?  Do I miss out on too much as I’m munching on delivery from my favorite Indian restaurant and catching up on my TV shows on DVR?

Maybe I do.  Maybe I’ve lost out on the soulmate I would have met on line at the grocery store. 

Crap!

Then again, isn’t it more likely that my soulmate is currently compiling his orders on Seamless web and planning his next vacation?

And with that thought, I know exactly what to do.

“La Cabana, what can I get you?”

“Hi, yes! Can you bring me a six pack of beer, a roll of Charmin and the phone numbers of everyone else that has placed this exact same order?”

Done.

3.  Not a doubt in my mind: I love delivery.